I won't insult your intelligence by rehashing all of the many similarities that have been noted between Xavier center Matt Stainbrook and three-time Male Model of the Year Derek Zoolander. Both have come from humble surroundings to cement themselves as stars (although a coal mine may be preferable to the MAC), both are noted for their curious habit of predominantly only turning one way, and finally, both have used their considerable pull with their fanbases to make themselves fashion icons. As the Musketeers take on Villanova tonight, Xavier fans will no doubt bee keeping in eye out for Stainbrook, who has quickly established himself as a fan favorite and key part of Xavier's attack in his first season since transferring from Western Michigan. With the occasion calling for him to be out of uniform, Stainbrook has taken to twitter to promise fans a "special bowtie" that he describes as his "best one yet." "But this is a website for tactics and stats" you say "what does this have to do with the game?" Well just because Stainbrook is not playing tonight doesn't mean he won't be affecting the outcome. Here are some ways Matt (and his bowtie) can play their part for the Muskies tonight:
1) It is a clown bowtie that will spin every time the Muskies score. Obviously the visceral pull of watching such hilariously out of the ordinary behavior by clothing will inspire Matt's teammates to unleash a barrage, winning the game and sending everyone home with a night of fulfilling, zany entertainment.
2) It is one of those bowties that squirts water. Obviously people need hydration when playing a sport, and Xavier's players are no different. But what if, rather than from boring old water bottles, that hydration came from the tie of their injured comrade? Once again hilarity would ensue as the Muskies were inspired by, not only the training staff's hydration offerings, but also the means of delivery and run riot on the court. Could happen.
3) It is comically over/under sized. Honestly, both these things are a combination of hilarious and confusing. Who knows, maybe Jay Wright will spend all the time in huddles quizzing his players on if Stainbrook notices how huge/tiny that tie is on him and Nova will lose focus on the game. It also opens up the possibility of wearing a tiny jacket and going full Tommy Boy if the game is going poorly (NOTE: not calling Matt fat. I would never do that to someone who could so easily beat me up).
4) One word: sequins. Just imagine, the bright lights of the Cintas Center beating down on you, 10,000+ screaming X fans, and the game on the line as you step up for a free throw. You look over to the opposing bench and BOOM! there goes your eyesight because you just got blinded by the Stain Train's dope bedazzled bowtie. Farfetched scenario, but stranger things have happened in the world of College Basketball.
So there are just four of the possibilities for tonight. Will we witness history? Will tonight go down as "The Night a Bowtie Won a Basketball Game?" Probably not, but you can still tune in to check out Stainbrook's tie and support his teammates. And, as always, don't forget stop by Banners for live chat about the goings on.